Life goes on.....
Life goes on.. that's what they say isn't it??? But what I've learnt is that life never ends.... Love never dies... Our treasured loved ones just cross over and are always right by our side. When mum crossed over, I went into auto pilot, just did everything that was necessary. I kept looking around for a sign... All I wanted was a sign that she was still with us..... That's what I truly believed, wanted, but why wasn't I seeing any signs? So frustrating!!!
I see everyone else that's on the other side, so why couldn't I see her??? This was now personal. I almost felt like I was being tested in some odd way. What I had done was shut down. Remember, I was on auto pilot....I wasn't letting anything or anyone get to me... It was my own doing, no sign would be able to get through while I was feeling like that.
As a family we made all the arrangements for the funeral, that is such a surreal experience, especially as it was something we had never done before. I just went with the flow. I don't remember too much of it other than I was talked out of bringing Alana with me, by a well meaning family member. That I do regret. Also, I didn't want to wear all black as we were told to.... Out of respect for the dead. Or so they say! I chose to wear colour. Black and red and matched it with a beautiful wide rim hat, she loved colour and hats. So out of respect... that's what I did. It didn't go down too well with a few people I can tell you that. And to be honest, I certainly didn't give a shit!!!! lol. But still no sign....
After the funeral we went back to our day to day lives, which was never the same...
About three days after the funeral I was exhausted and went to bed early. Mum appeared in my dream, I was sitting up in my bed with her opposite me talking. She was telling me about how her father was there to take her and that she was not sick anymore, all the cancer was gone, there were no scars and her hair had grown back.... Look she said, its all back... She was beautiful, radiant and happy. I was just in awe of her, she was glowing... After what I thought was a few minutes of talking, she asked me if I wanted to go with her and see where she now was.... That I shouldn't worry so much about her, that she would be there whenever I wanted. Of course I said yes.... She took my hand & we instantly lifted up together, floating up toward the ceiling of my bedroom.... which opened up to this bright light filled tunnel. I looked down to see my bed, with me asleep in it and Joe on the other side, it was amazing! We glided up through the tunnel towards a brilliant blue sky and then landed in the most spectacular world I've ever seen.... Heaven... The overwhelming sense of unconditional love is what hit me......The peace... I can' begin to describe the feelings.... My heart just instantly filled with love & compassion.... Every colour was just glowing with the most amazing brilliance imaginable .... The people were all dressed in white... Mum took me over to a group of people and introduced me, one of them I had already met before, my grandfather, my mothers father, the one that would sit on the end of my bed when I was little.
We sat together for a while, she really wanted me to see that she was OK and well and that she was always going to be with me, guiding me, all I had to do was ask.
It was time to leave, she took me by the hand and lead me back through the tunnel of brilliant white light, back down through the ceiling and back into my body, I actually could feel myself getting back into my body. She leaned over, gave me a kiss and drifted slowly back up through the tunnel. The last thing I remember is her smile. With that I fell asleep.
Remember to Smile.....
Life goes on.. that's what they say isn't it??? But what I've learnt is that life never ends.... Love never dies... Our treasured loved ones just cross over and are always right by our side. When mum crossed over, I went into auto pilot, just did everything that was necessary. I kept looking around for a sign... All I wanted was a sign that she was still with us..... That's what I truly believed, wanted, but why wasn't I seeing any signs? So frustrating!!!
I see everyone else that's on the other side, so why couldn't I see her??? This was now personal. I almost felt like I was being tested in some odd way. What I had done was shut down. Remember, I was on auto pilot....I wasn't letting anything or anyone get to me... It was my own doing, no sign would be able to get through while I was feeling like that.
As a family we made all the arrangements for the funeral, that is such a surreal experience, especially as it was something we had never done before. I just went with the flow. I don't remember too much of it other than I was talked out of bringing Alana with me, by a well meaning family member. That I do regret. Also, I didn't want to wear all black as we were told to.... Out of respect for the dead. Or so they say! I chose to wear colour. Black and red and matched it with a beautiful wide rim hat, she loved colour and hats. So out of respect... that's what I did. It didn't go down too well with a few people I can tell you that. And to be honest, I certainly didn't give a shit!!!! lol. But still no sign....
After the funeral we went back to our day to day lives, which was never the same...
About three days after the funeral I was exhausted and went to bed early. Mum appeared in my dream, I was sitting up in my bed with her opposite me talking. She was telling me about how her father was there to take her and that she was not sick anymore, all the cancer was gone, there were no scars and her hair had grown back.... Look she said, its all back... She was beautiful, radiant and happy. I was just in awe of her, she was glowing... After what I thought was a few minutes of talking, she asked me if I wanted to go with her and see where she now was.... That I shouldn't worry so much about her, that she would be there whenever I wanted. Of course I said yes.... She took my hand & we instantly lifted up together, floating up toward the ceiling of my bedroom.... which opened up to this bright light filled tunnel. I looked down to see my bed, with me asleep in it and Joe on the other side, it was amazing! We glided up through the tunnel towards a brilliant blue sky and then landed in the most spectacular world I've ever seen.... Heaven... The overwhelming sense of unconditional love is what hit me......The peace... I can' begin to describe the feelings.... My heart just instantly filled with love & compassion.... Every colour was just glowing with the most amazing brilliance imaginable .... The people were all dressed in white... Mum took me over to a group of people and introduced me, one of them I had already met before, my grandfather, my mothers father, the one that would sit on the end of my bed when I was little.
We sat together for a while, she really wanted me to see that she was OK and well and that she was always going to be with me, guiding me, all I had to do was ask.
It was time to leave, she took me by the hand and lead me back through the tunnel of brilliant white light, back down through the ceiling and back into my body, I actually could feel myself getting back into my body. She leaned over, gave me a kiss and drifted slowly back up through the tunnel. The last thing I remember is her smile. With that I fell asleep.
Remember to Smile.....
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